Unexpressed Sorrow - Kabanata 7

"Mas okay 'to kesa sa pinili ni Fantine diba?" Inayos niya ang laylayan ng dress Kong maroon. May criss-cross siyang laces sa bandang dibdib ko. It's is really revealing. "I'd rather choose Fantine's choice," utas ko. Her choice is a boyfriend jeans, three-fourth checkered long sleeves and timberlands. I covered my boobs. "It's too revealing Ramon!" Angal ko. Napatingin siya sa akin at umirap. "Casual wear ba yun? Hindi ka mananalo for sure!" Pagsesermon niya. "Huwag mong ibababa ha? Masisira," tukoy niya sa laylayan ng dress ko na kanina ko pa binababa. Sumimangot ako. Tiningnan ko ang mukha ko sa salamin. Smokey eyes make-up daw ang style ko ngayon at nakapusod naman ang kinulot niyang buhok ko. "Alam mo, ang dami mong rekalmo. Ang laki ng boobs mo, ang liit ng bewang mo at ang puti mo pa. All girls will pay dollars just to get those," Aniya at nangalumbaba habang pinapanood ang reaksiyon ko. I heard few knocks on the door. "Come in!" Sigaw ko. Sumilip sa pintuan ang isang babae, mukhang organizer ng event na ito. "Mags-start na po ang casual wear portion," sabi niya at agad na isinara ang pintuan. Sinuot ko na ang strappy heels ko na bigay ni Ate Zoe, isa sa mga pinsan ko na malapit Kay Mona. Nagdasal muna ako bago ako rumampa papuntang stage. I immediately smiled as the crowd roared into life. I can see Toni holding a banner sa harap, with her is Ross' friends. There's no Ross to be seen. I didn't let it affect me. Instead I smiled wider. "Josephine Loraine Mallari, Nursing Department," pagpapakilala ko. Pagbalik ko sa backstage ay tumungo agad ako Kay Mona. He was giving me two thumbs up and a smile. Talent portion na kaya pinagbihis ulit ako ni Mona. He decided to put a sleeveless shirt as my top and entwined the checkered long sleeves on my waist. Pinagshorts din niya ako ng denim at pinasuot ng isaang black combat boots. He smiled, "Rocker na rocker ang datingan ah?" Pang-uuyam niya. Pinaikot ko ang aking mga mata, "I trust you that much Ramon Carlo," pang-uuyam ko din. He doesn't want anyone calling him by his birth name. Kasi sobrang old-fashioned daw at sobrang panlalaki. Ramon Carlo Arellano is his full name but Toni named him Mona. "Kanina ka pa diyan sa pangalan ko ha? Tantanan mo na ako diyan," Aniya at kinurot ang balikat ko. Napabalikwas ako at umiwas. Pagkatapos namin ay bumalik kami sa backstage para magformation na. Nanonood kami ni Mona sa mga monitors kung ano ang nangyayari sa harapan. Nab-broadcast kasi yan all over gymnasium. I saw some contestants danced, sang and do poi dancing. Ako na ang susunod since number 4 ako. I grabbed my guitar and went on stage. I cleared my throat and breathed out before singing the first line. Habang ako'y kumakanta, I noticed everyone's attention is on me. Walang maingay and walang boses na maririnig bukod sa akin. It was a song of Ed Sheeran na sobra Kong favorite. Nagbow na ako after Kong kumanta at dumeretso sa backstage. "2nd time ko na narinig yang boses mo," sabi ni Mona at parang kumislap ang kanyang mga mata. Ngumiti lang ako nang pagbuksan niya ako. Evening gown na ang susunod so Mona showed her Tita Georgia's masterpiece. It is a stunning white serpentina gown with a slit up to the knees and flowery detailed top. Strappy din ang likod. May swarovski crystals din siya na kapag naiilawan ay kumikislap.

Unexpressed Sorrow - Kabanata 6

Nakatunganga lang ako sa white board ng kwarto namin, 4th time ko na actually. Hinihintay ang dean na maga-announce ng consequences, 4th time ko na actually ito. Naranasan ko na ang maglinis ng school grounds, mag-cheer every UAAP Finals at ang pinakaworst: ang magsulat sa index card ng mga libo-libong libro sa library. "Okay, the consequences we have made are: making a documentary about indigenous people in Benguet, if you're going to ask me what's this for, wala. It's a consequence na walang sense that will surely waste you time," Dean Elizabeth smirked. "Or...you will join the upcoming 50th Foundation day Beauty Pageant." I gasped. What? Ba't ang hirap ng mga consequences this year kumpara the other years? Dean cleared her throat, "There's no choice as none, you need to choose between the two. That's all, the devil's going out," she muttered and went out of our room. My classmates also have the same reactions as mine. Miss Elizabeth Taus is a smart woman, alam niyang paparating na ang finals kaya documentary ang pinili niya. She wants us to join the pageantry competition. "So, ano ang pipiliin mo?" tanong ni Toni sa akin. We're at the canteen, nagme-meryenda. Kagagaling niya sa orientation ng environmental club nila while Mona, ayun pa lang siya at papunta sa direksyon naming. "I still don't know, Mona what do you think?" tanong ko sa kanya nang umupo siya. Tumaas ang kilay niya. "What? About your look yesterday?" he smirked. "It was perfect mi amor!" aniya at parang may imaginary cloud sa ulo niya nang pumalakpak siya. "I was asking about the consequences not the wedding," pag-aangal ko. Toni interrupted, "Whose wedding?" tanong niya. "Ysabelle Patino and Luke Moscoso," simpleng sagot niya. Toni mouthed 'wow'. "Hindi na kase ako nag-a-IG eh," "What were you saying a while back Loraine?" tanong ni Mona. "Si Dean Elizabeth kasi, the consequences ng mga walang club ngayon ay gumawa ng documentary within this week o sumali sa pageant this coming Wednesday which is also next week," I massaged my temples. "I don't know how to live already." Ngumisi si Mona. "Edi join the pageant," My eyes widened in shock, "Ayoko. I never joined pageants," "Do the documentary then," simpleng sabi niya like I am left without a choice. "Finals pa naman next week," pananakot niya. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako habang tinitingnan ang papel na hawak ko. It contains the schedule of the program , the criteria for judging and the details of the pageant. Yes, I'm joing the pageant. I don't want to sacrifice my grades, exams and time for the documentary. I heard, yung mga walang choice eh tatlong linggong detention ang bagsak nila. I heard someone calling me pero di ko pinansin. Lutang na lutang kasi ako. Pumunta agad akong gymnasium kasi doon mai-a-announce ang mga candidates sa pageant pero what shocks me is, hindi ko ine-expect na madaming tao ang dadalo ngayon. "Miss Mallari." Pagtawag sa akn ng baklang instructor. He gave me a shirt na may print na ako'y isang kandidata sa naturang pageant.

Unexpressed Sorrow - Kabanata 5

I was in awe when we reached our destination. That guy isn’t just famous, he is also rich! He got some dollars in his pocket! “Welcome to Montdonner Towers ma’am!” Bati ng babaeng crew. I am still amazed kasi kung gaano kaganda sa exterior na anyo ng impastraktura, mas maganda pa dito sa loob. It looks very expensive and elegant. The interior is flawless. Nabalik ako sa wisyo pagkatapos ng aking pagkamangha sa lugar, I need to remember. I came here for a reason. “I’m looking for Ross’ room number?” Utas ko sa babaeng front desk officer. Nakakunot ang noo niya, “Our files are confidential miss lalo na po kay Sir Ross,” Sabi niya. I sighed then grabbed my phone out of my backpack. I am texting Ross. “I’m at the lobby. What’s your room number?” Umupo muna ako at nagbasa ng mga magazines. My focus of interest went on an eye-catching hot issue Paulo Rosales, na-basag ang windshield at car hood sa isang bar. Seriously? Who would do that? Siguro, haters niya or mga taong obsess sa kanya. The guy has good looks. Natigil ako sa pagbasa nang makarinig ng ingay at hiyawan. It was Ross and his friends. “Whoa, your girlfriend is here.” His curly-haired guy friend muttered na hanggang ngayon, di ko pa alam ang pangalan. They are in their uniform kaya nga lang, his friend, Basti ay wala dahil siguro soccer player siya kaya hindi nasama. Natawa ang isa sa kanila na bago sa aking paningin, “Bro, noong last league natin si Michaela tapos ngayon iba nanaman?” Aniya. I cleared my throat, “I am not his girlfriend,” I even managed to smile. “Yeah,” Tumango si Ross. “She’s not my girlfriend, she’s my tutor,” Pagkaklaro niya. I thought, I am his girlfriend? Or it’s just part of his plans? Well, I need to get myself prepared. Habang kami ay nasa sala ngayon, his pad is dominating with black and grayish-silver colors kaya lang, magulo siya. Well, boys are boys. “Ross never brought a girl inside his pad,” Sinabi nung kulot. “You’re something,” he winked. Umiling lang ako. “He got no choice, I am his tutor and it’s part of our agreement,” I explained. “It’s his choice where you should teach him. By the way, I am Gabe,” He reached for my hand. Tinanggap ko ang kamay niya, “Raine.” Pagpapakilala ko. “Hi, I’m Travis, Ross’ cousin,” Pagpapakilala ng lalaking nakahawak ng bola, moreno siya at may salamin sa mata. “Si Austin naman iyon,” Tapos tinuro niya iyong lalaking prenteng nakaupo sa harapan ng refrigerator at kumakain. Lumingon siya, “oy! Breeze ang pangalan ko!” Tumayo siya at umupo sa harapan nain. “Pinsan ko din si Ross at pati itong ulupong na ito,” Pagpapakilala niya, gwapo siya pero mukhang nangongolekta ng babae. Ngumiti lang ako. Naglabas na ako ng mga libro naming pero natigil ako nang buksan nila ang TV. Ang tagal naman, kalian kaya kami makapagsisimula ni Ross kapag nandito ang mga kaibigan niya?

Unexpressed Sorrow - Kabanata 4

"Hershey, ready na ba lahat para sa activities natin?" mom asked the event's organizer. We're at a party today here at the orphanage. We actually have a foundation para sa mga bahay-ampunan at mga charities both on the aged and the cancer-patients. I build the cancer patients charity though. I really looked up to mom, she always love helping other people in need since she came from an orphanage. Yes, my mom is an orphan so she has a soft spot towards abandoned and homeless kids. Kinalabit ako ni papa and whispered something in my ear, "Look at your mom, she's so happy to serve the kids here. That's how she exactly looked like when Jayden and you came to life," my dad amazingly said. My dad adores my mom so much, tumitingala siya sa kanya like she's the perfect sculpture carved into life and he cares for her because he knows that my mom is fragile with all the kind heart. "Before this program starts, Home for the Children Orphanage would like to thank Mr. And Mrs. Luis and Eunice Mallari for making this event happen. Your effort, time, and donations given to the children are highly appreciated. May we welcome, Mrs. Eunice Mallari for her message." Mom gracefully walked through the wooden stage. The ever beautiful Eunice Mallari, she's my idol and my inspiration. She spoked with grace and manners. All legitimate. Nagsimula na ang games ng mga bata and I excused myself. Mag-CR lang ako. I saw Kuya Jayden arguing with someone at the hallway. "What? I am not going to apologize!" the girl hissed. I saw my brother pathetically looking at the packed foods scattered from the ground. It was for the kids. I was about to interrupt when I saw the girl's face. She is pretty but mukha lang siyang naligaw rito. She looks sophisticated and rich mula sa mga branded niyang shoes hanggang sa hat niya. Jayden clenched his fists, "You know what miss, this food is for the kids. Now, if you say sorry, we'll buy anpther one and let this pass-----" "But what if not?" pagtataray niya. "Mr. Tall-guy whoever you are, I am the nation's most famous and popular---," Nakapamulsa si kuya, "And so? Miss brat, I just need your sorry, i'll let it pass," I can sense kuya's mockery from behind. I gasped when the girl kicked my kuya's balls. Sorry for the word but yes, she just kicked the future of our clan. Umiling ako when I heard kuya shouting for agony and pain. It must've hurt so bad. My mom laughed as she heard about what I saw. Sobrang nakakatawa naman talaga kasi no one ever did that to Kuya. He;s very superior and authoritative and as what Mona and Toni said, he is an intimidating person. "Paano masusundan ang apelyido ko ngayon niyan?" pang-aasar ni dad kay kuya. Pauwi na kami sa bahay and we're at the car. Nagpipigil ng tawa si Mom, "Find that girl, she's giving me the creeps." "On the scale of 10, I would give her 11!" I mumbled. Inirapan lang kami ni Kuya. "You should be mad right now Mom and Dad. That spoiled brat just kicked my balls! Pagsisisihan niyong baog ako, walang magmamana ng apelyido ko!" frustrated na sabi niya. I embraced my body when I felt coldness kissed my skin. I'm in a cinema with Toni, yes, Toni came back from Macau and here we are, bonding and watching an action movie.

Unexpressed Sorrow - Kabanata 3

I was looking at the plate served to me. My favourite tempura and teriyaki were seducing me. The cheesy oreo fried ice cream is teasing my esophagus. "Di ka ba nagsasawa Raine?" Palaging ganyan ang ino-order mo," pagsisingit ni Mona who's also sitting beside me. Kaming dalawa lang ang nandito ngayon kasi nasa Macau pa rin sa Toni. "No Mona. This is my life, my babies and my family," I said while hugging my food immortally. Umiling-iling nalang siya. I was in the middle of devouring this lovely foodies in front of me when I heard Mona gasped. Napalingon ako sa kanya, only to find hid mouth and eyes wide open. I tilted my head to follow his eyes' direction and there I saw Ross, sitting in front of our table with a girl which I think, a tourism student. The girl is whispering something to him and I saw how Ross laughed at her remarks. His hands at the girl's waist and the girl's hands at his lap. They look so sweet and so in love. What an eyesore. "Selos ka 'no?" Mona suddenly asked beside me. I laughed hysterically. "Ako? Magseselos?" I asked while my eyes wide open. Unbelievable. He chuckled. "After the Engineering student, Tourism na naman ngayon? Seriously?" note the sarcasm. "Well, no second thoughts, Ross have good standards," he commented. "Does womanizers have standard? Sa pagkakaalam ko, wala silang sinasantong babae. Lahat na ata ng babae papatulan nila without even examining and knowing their whole character," sabi ko ng walang preno. He smirked. "Diba sabi mo, it's bad to judge?" pang-uuyam niya. Natigilan ako, "I just don't tolerate bad behaviour Mona. I don't tolerate bad people," I muttered. Habang naglalakad ako papuntang next class ko, naka-salubong ko sina Ross, kasama ang barkada niya at ang babae niya. They stopped and I also ceased from walking. His friends cleared their throat. "Uhm, excuse me," sabi ko. But they were too persistent to not let me go, lalo na yung kulot na kaibigan ni Ross. "Okay go," sabi ko while giving them way. Masyadong hari-harian ang lalaking ito ah. Naglakad sila and they passed by me like nothing happened. Before I ran into my class, I receive a message. Gymnasium, 5:00 PM –Ross Ano nanaman ang trip ng lalaking ito? Is he commanding me to do his requests and whims again? Busy. I replied when in fact, hindi naman talaga ako busy. My professor started his lecture and I took down notes then my phone buzzed again. Don't care. Pati ba naman sa text ang suplado niya at ang sungit niya? After ng last class ko dinaanan ko muna ang mga libro sa library. I just want to have an advanced review. Ang bigat ng tatlong makakapal na medical book na dala ko. I was about to continue walking when I felt someone taking away the books from me. It was Ross' friend, hindi yung si Adriano but he's Lorenzo ayon sa kanyang soccer uniform. "I'm Basti. Ross wants me to fetch you, I was on ym way until I saw you here. Ang bilis mo palang mapagod," he chuckled. His tagalong is cute. I nodded and smiled. This one seems nice though. He looks harmless and kind.

Unexpressed Sorrow - Kabanata 2

"Gusto niya akong maging slave niya, Fantine. Slave lang naman," sabi ko habang si Toni ay inaayos ang kanyang make-up sa kabilang screen. We are on a video call. She stopped coloring her lips, "Haven't you explained it to him that I did it?" she asked. "I saved you. I know that I still have a part on what happened that day. It's both our fault at alam kong di niya papalampasin yun," sabi ko at nangalumbaba. "Oh my poor Loraine! You have the kindest heart, I swear! Pero if not that Ross is cute, alam kong di mo papatulan iyang pakulo niya," Toni's hysterical laugh make me frown. "You should at least thank me Toni, hindi mo mararanasan ang pang-aalipin ng lalaking iyon!" I said and devoured the pack of milk cookies. She smirked, "No Raine! You, thank me! Kung hindi sa akin, hindi mo mami-meet iyong Ross na iyon! He's famous pala huh?" panunukso niya. I shook my head in disbelief, "Anong oras na? Yung dinner niyo magsisimula na ata baka ma-late ka," pagsulyap ko sa oras. "If I know, Raine... If I only know," she smiled and wiggled her brows. Toni ended the call while I get started with my daily routine. "Good morning to my dear sister!" My brother Jayden waved his hands while he's fixing his tie. Well, not fixing but experimenting. Hindi niya alam itali ang neck tie niya for sure, may presentation nanaman ang kuya kong Architect. Agad akong dumalo sa kanya at inayos ang necktie niya, "What's with the formal attire kuya?" I asked while sinusubo niya sa akin yung slice ng mansanas. "Professor Matthews will let us be judged by real architects and psychologists so we back at dressing like this," he said and I nodded. Inayos naman niya ang buhok ko, "You know what Kuya, you can exactly imitate Mom's toast. This tastes like Mom's bread toast," I said with my mouth full of the bread's crumbs. I finished my food and went outside to wait for Kuya's car to bail out of the garage. "Raine, are you really going to that school with that uniform?" he asked. I looked at our uniform. Nothing different, it resembles a nursing student's uniform. The typical uniform. It's actually the first day of wearing it. Okay naman siya pero compared last year, siguro tumangkad ako kaya umiksi ang skirt ko but my blouse is okay anyway. "Ang iksi ng palda mo, Loraine," paninita ni Kuya. I consciously lowered it a bit and sighed, "Wag mo ng pansinin Kuya Jayden, tumangkad lang ako," sabi ko. He laughed, "Kailan pa yan ha? Ba't di ko alam?" pang-aasar niya. I frowned. Ginulo niya pa lalo ang buhok ko, "I'm average Kuya. 5'6 lang ako alam ko." Sabi ko. "Sana hindi na ako nagpahatid sayo," I aid as I saw how frustrating the heavy traffic is. Wala akong natanggao na sagot sakanya bagkus narinig ko siyang suminghap kaya napalingon ako. He's staring at his wristwatch with eyes wide open. I think I know what;s happening. "Princess..." tawag niya. I rolled my eyes. I knew it. "You don't need to tell me kuya. Nakakasuka yang pagpapaawa mo," litanya ko at binuksan na ang kotse. He chuckled, "Sorry princess, bawi na lang ako next time," May presentation kaya alam kong late na iyon. Tutal, malapit lang naman na ang University namin. Nalimutan ata ni kuya na mabilis akong mapagod. I stopped walking for a while and decided to take a break.

Unexpressed Sorrow - Kabanata 1

"Please, as my bestfriend, gawin mo para sa akin," pamimilit ni Toni sa akin. I shook my head, "No, Toni. Revenge is not good. Alam mo 'yan," pagli-litanya ko. Kanina pa niya ako pinipilit. She wants me to do a certain thing as revenge to her ex's new girl. As long as I know, for four years studying in this school, I never faced any trouble and I never met any dangers. Now, this girl is provoking me to do so. "Okay, here's the deal," she proposed, both raising her hands. "Just help me out with this, Raine. You just need to pull the trigger for me or just help me pull the trigger," pagmamakaawa niya. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata, "Wait, what? Are you letting me kill someone this time Fantine? Ten commandments yan Ranollo!" I yelled at her. She just bursted into laughter, "What the actual-----," she stopped at the middle of her remarks and covered her mouth from saying bad words. She continued to laugh and even the students passing by are weirded at her. "Never in my existence I heard the mysterious and 'mahinhin' Raine joked like this!" she continued laughing. "Ang witty mo," she sarcastically said. I raised my right brow, trying to find out what she's actually up to. What's wrong with what I said? "I didn't actually mean that you will kill a person with a gun, Raine! Weird ako pero hindi ako nasisiraan ng bait!" she mischievously smiled. "So, what's your plan?" I asked out of nowhere. She smiled widely. "So, you're in for it?" she asked using those sparkling eyes of her. She's such a dog. "The Lord will forgive me later," I sighed, left without choice. I hope he will. While Toni observes the events outside, ako naman ay nag-aayos ng mga gagamitin namin sa paandar ni Toni. She's really a demanding psycho. Her ex who happened to cheat on her with his new girl, Toni decided to avenge her two-year love for Jeremy, her ex. Well, if that actually happened to me, I will still not do revenge and leave it to the Almighty. "Hello, Mona. Is she coming already? Huh? Yung higad!" I laughed at that last phrase. "Okay, thanks Mona," sabi ni Toni sa telepono niya. She's calling Mona na kasalukuyang nasa baba. "Let's get ready Raine. Ikaw ang magiging look-out at ako ang magsasagawa ng plano. You're out of this kasi hindi ikaw ang gagawa okay?" she assured me. I reached for my chest and calmed down. I nodded at sumilip sa ibaba. May nakita akong babae sa ibaba at sinenyasan ko si Toni with her own go signal. Ibinuhos na niya ang pintura at kasabay nunay nakarinig ako ng sigawan sa ibaba. Lumingon ako kay Toni at nakitang tumatawa siya habang hawak-hawak ang tiyan at ibinigay ang pintura sa akin. Sinilip ko ang nangyari sa ibaba only to find out a guy who's covered with white paint who's intently looking at me. He pointed at my direction and gave me an electrifying death glare. Because I felt goosebumps. Literally. Nabitawan ko ang paint can sa aking kamay and my feet went on its away and ran. Why am I running? Why do I feel guilty? Alam ko naming wala akong ginawang masama. I am innocent but why does it felt like I did a crime I didn't commit? "Toni, this is your fault!" I am angry while typing these statements. I texted her. She left me there like she didn't do any crime and I am here na halos maghumerantado na ang puso sa kaba. I never did this before and I've never been this nervous my whole life. Whoever guy you are, I'm deeply sorry. I'm hiding from you. I'm at home, hoping for Toni to answer my calls. She's messing my brains up. Ang lakas ng loob niyang sabihin na she's in control with everything pero tinakbuhan at tinakasan pala niya ako. What angers me most is that she's not answering my calls, it just tells me na hindi niya kayang panindigan ang ginawa niya. The guy is so scary kaya.